High Conflict Couples Therapy in San Francisco
Last Resort Marriage Counseling That Actually Works
Are you and your partner trapped in destructive cycles of intense arguments that leave you both emotionally drained? If you're a high-achieving couple on the brink of divorce, my specialized high conflict couples therapy can help you break these patterns and rebuild your relationship—or gain clarity about your future together.
I'm a trauma-informed therapist specializing in high conflict relationships, working with couples in San Francisco who need more than traditional couples counseling. My approach combines compassionate understanding with practical, directive strategies that create real change for couples struggling with intense conflict patterns.
Understanding High Conflict Couples and What Makes Them Different
High conflict couples experience frequent, intense arguments that escalate quickly and feel impossible to resolve. These aren't typical partner fights—they're destructive patterns where minor disagreements explode into major battles, leaving both partners feeling like they're walking on eggshells in their own relationship.
Many high conflict couples come to me after working with other therapists or family therapists who weren't equipped to handle the intensity. Traditional couples counseling often falls short because it doesn't address the underlying trauma and deeply embedded patterns that fuel these conflicts.
What makes a relationship "high conflict" goes beyond surface-level disagreements. I often see couples where one partner desperately seeks connection while the other partner withdraws, creating a cycle that moves them in the opposite direction from where they want to be. This dynamic significantly impacts self esteem and leaves both people feeling defeated.
For high-achieving professionals, this is especially frustrating. You're used to excelling in your career, managing complex responsibilities, and solving problems effectively. Yet when it comes to your marriage, all that competence seems to vanish, leaving you feeling helpless and confused about how to manage these intense emotions and conflicts.
My Specialized Approach to High Conflict Couples Therapy
What sets my practice apart is my ability to handle intensity without getting overwhelmed while maintaining deep compassion for the pain you're both experiencing. I use a trauma-informed approach because I understand that high conflict patterns are often rooted in unprocessed trauma, attachment wounds, and learned patterns from childhood.
My style is vibrant and interactive—not passive therapy that leaves you feeling stuck. I'll interrupt destructive patterns in real-time during our sessions, teach you new ways to communicate, and give you concrete strategies that actually work. When arguments threaten to lead the conversation in a destructive direction, I actively intervene to help you get back on track.
I work particularly well with high achievers because I understand your world. I know what it's like to be successful in every area of your life but feel like a failure in your relationship. My clients appreciate that I respect their personal efforts to work hard and achieve excellence, while helping them apply those same strengths to their relationship in healthier ways.
Therapeutic Modalities I Use
Brainspotting: This powerful approach helps process unresolved trauma and difficult emotions that get stuck in your nervous system. It's particularly effective for couples dealing with betrayal, infidelity, or other relationship traumas that create ongoing triggers and reactivity.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): IFS helps us understand the different "parts" of ourselves that get activated in relationships. Instead of blame and criticism, we can identify which parts are triggered and speak to them with compassion. This removes blame from the equation and creates understanding instead of defensiveness.
Relational Life Therapy (RLT): RLT focuses on rapid transformation and breaking through relational patterns that keep you stuck. This isn't about years of slow change—it's about creating breakthrough moments that shift your entire dynamic and help you manage conflict more effectively.
Deep Healing Couples Intensives: For couples who need concentrated work, I offer intensive sessions that allow us to dive deep into your patterns, process underlying trauma, and create lasting change in a compressed timeframe. Many high conflict couples find this concentrated approach provides the breakthrough they need.
Who I Work With: Specialized Support for Unique Challenges
I specialize in working with high-achieving couples in San Francisco who are facing serious relationship challenges. My ideal clients include:
High performers and perfectionists who've given everything to career and children but ignored their relationship
Couples considering divorce who want to determine if their marriage can be saved
Partners dealing with trauma history and destructive relationship models from their past
Busy professionals who need efficient, effective intervention
All types of couples, including LGBTQ+ partnerships
My Specialized Services Include:
Couples Therapy After Infidelity: Betrayal trauma requires specialized intervention and treatment. I understand the complex emotions and feelings involved for both partners and focus on healing trauma, rebuilding trust, and creating a stronger marriage than existed before the affair.
Executive Couples Therapy: High-powered careers create unique stressors on relationships. I help couples navigate competition, power dynamics, and the challenge of maintaining connection when work demands are intense. Many couples struggle with effectively managing the competing demands of career success and relationship health.
ADHD Couples Therapy: When one partner has ADHD, it creates specific relationship dynamics that need specialized understanding. I help couples work with neurological differences rather than against them, teaching strategies that honor both partners' needs.
LGBTQ+ Couples Therapy: I provide affirming therapy for LGBTQ+ couples, understanding the unique challenges these relationships face, including family acceptance and societal pressures.
Last Resort Marriage Counseling: For couples on the brink of divorce, I provide intensive intervention to help you make clear decisions about your future. This process helps couples realize what's truly possible and take responsibility for their choices moving forward.
What to Expect: My Process and Approach
Initial Consultation
Our work begins with a free short intake call where we determine if we're a good fit and whether I can provide the support you need. I want to make sure I'm the right therapist for your specific situation before we begin.
Comprehensive Assessment
For couples interested in intensives, I provide a detailed workbook to complete before we meet. This helps me understand your history, current challenges, and goals for our work together, allowing me to develop a personalized treatment plan.
Active, Directive Therapy Sessions
In our sessions, you can expect me to be actively involved. I won't sit quietly while you repeat destructive patterns—I'll interrupt, redirect, and teach you new ways of interacting in real-time. When one partner needs more support or when conversations become unproductive, I step in to help you communicate more effectively.
Homework and Skill Practice
Real change happens when you practice new skills in your daily life. I assign helpful homework between sessions that might include communication exercises, individual reflection work, or specific practices to build connection. Many couples find that these assignments help them begin to talk differently and manage their emotions more effectively.
Ongoing Support
I'm available for contact between sessions when needed because I understand that implementing new skills can be challenging. While I maintain appropriate boundaries, I want you to know you have support when you're working to change long-standing patterns.
For couples who want additional support, I offer AI note-taking add-ons to help you remember and implement what we discuss in sessions. Many clients find this helpful for tracking progress and maintaining focus on their goals.
Immediate Strategies You Can Use Today
While therapy provides the foundation for lasting change, here are some strategies you can implement right now when conflicts escalate:
Identify Early Warning Signs: Learn to recognize the physical sensations that precede emotional overwhelm—tightness in your chest, racing thoughts, or heat rising in your face. This awareness is the first step in the course of changing your response pattern.
Take Strategic Breaks: When you notice these signs, remove yourself from the situation. Leave the room if necessary and tell your partner when you'll return to continue the conversation.
Challenge Your Interpretations: Before you react, ask yourself "What else could this mean?" This simple shift in thinking can prevent many arguments from escalating and help you move forward together rather than getting stuck in blame.
Focus on the Pattern, Not the Person: Try to identify what's happening in the dynamic rather than focusing on what your partner is doing wrong. This helps create space for problem-solving rather than personal attacks.
Why My Approach Works for High Conflict Couples
Many high conflict couples have tried traditional couples counseling and felt frustrated with the lack of progress. My approach is different because I:
Handle intensity without judgment while maintaining clear boundaries
Address underlying trauma that fuels conflict patterns
Provide concrete strategies rather than vague suggestions
Create rapid transformation rather than years of slow progress
Work with your strengths as high achievers while addressing relationship challenges
Offer flexible formats including intensives for busy professionals
The couples who are most successful in my practice are those ready to take responsibility for their part in the problems and commit to doing things differently. They approach the process with an open mind and willingness to be vulnerable with their partner.
Progress often looks like conflicts that resolve more quickly, increased empathy and understanding between partners, and the ability to have difficult conversations without them becoming full-blown arguments. You'll start to feel more connected and less like roommates or adversaries.
Ready to Transform Your Relationship?
If you're a high-achieving couple in San Francisco struggling with high conflict patterns, you don't have to navigate this alone. Whether you're dealing with infidelity, considering divorce, or simply feeling disconnected after years of focusing on everything except your relationship, specialized couples therapy can help.
Your relationship doesn't have to be another casualty of modern life's pressures and demands. With the right approach, commitment from both partners, and skilled guidance, even the most conflicted relationships can transform.
Contact me today for your free intake call. Together, we can determine if my approach is right for your situation and create a path forward—whether that means saving your marriage or ending it with clarity and dignity. You deserve to make that decision from a place of understanding rather than chaos.
Remember, seeking help isn't a sign of failure—it's a sign of wisdom and commitment to creating the life and relationship you truly want.