Lily Allen’s West End Girl isn’t just an album. It feels to me like a therapy session set to music. It’s about power, consent, love, and the protest that rises when we lose ourselves in relationships. As a couples and sex therapist, I hear these stories every day; stories about betrayal, truth, rage, and reclamation. Healing begins when we listen to the part of us that refuses to be silenced.

Read the full piece here - where I explore Lily’s album through the lens of RLT, IFS, Brainspotting, and the courage it takes to love honestly.

The result of intensive couples work? Couples are able to understand each other on a profound level, reconnect with their true selves, and build a stronger, healthier partnership.

Relational Life Therapy, my main modality for couples work, was developed by Terry Real (author of Us, Fierce Intimacy and The New Rules of Marriage). RLT is a powerful, direct, and transformative model of couples therapy. Unlike approaches that focus only on surface-level communication skills, RLT gets to the root of disconnection. It helps couples break out of entrenched patterns, understand where those dynamics come from, and learn new, practical ways of relating to one another.

Not all couples therapy models or couples therapists are created equal. Traditional approaches can sometimes focus heavily on surface-level communication skills — useful, yes, but often not enough when the stakes feel high and patterns run deep. In addition, many clients use trusted individual therapists who may not have the very specific and thorough training needed for couples work. 

The reason the series resonates so deeply is because it doesn’t sugarcoat the difficulties couples face. Viewers see the frustration, the defensiveness, the repeated and sticky patterns - and the vulnerable breakthroughs that happen in real therapy work.

It reminds us that:

• Every relationship has its own struggles
  

• Conflict is normal, but disconnection doesn’t have to be permanent
  

• Therapy offers tools and hope for couples who feel stuck

For many of us raised in emotionally restrained households, where love had to be inferred or subconsciously rationed, where emotional expression felt like indulgence, or where true connection was reserved for rare occasions, the practice of cherishing doesn’t always come naturally. 

The result of this is that we may find ourselves in long-term relationships that are functional, even loyal, but emotionally starved. Sometimes, in individual therapy, clients open up to me about their awesome partners, how they have helped them and what they mean to them. It’s moving and tender to hear these raw examples of the shared experience of going through life together. But when I ask if they have expressed this to their partners, ever. More often than not, the answer is either “no” - or not for a very long time. 

Traditional weekly therapy can be helpful, but when a relationship is in crisis or at a crossroads, that slow drip of support often isn’t enough.

What most couples need in these moments is a strong container of clarity, focus and skilled guidance. A place where you can do deep, real work quickly. As a result, a big portion of my couples work is deep-healing intensives which can take place online, you can read more here.

Every year, I also offer, for a smaller number of clients, a face-to-face option. My private (just you, me and your partner) couples retreats are grounded in the RLT approach and offer exactly that.

Discover the RLT Feedback Wheel, a powerful communication tool from Relational Life Therapy. Learn how couples can use this simple four-step process to speak with clarity, stay connected, and strengthen their relationship.

Looking for powerful books to support your relationship? Here are six standout titles - curated by a couples therapist with specialisms in RLT and IFS - that offer practical, transformative tools for deeper connection

Evening sessions tend to be when couples can arrive most fully, rather than rushing between tasks, not mentally ticking off the to-do list. There's more space to reflect, to connect, and to bring your whole self to the process. For many of my clients, evening therapy feels more accessible, grounding, and sustainable long-term.