For many of us raised in emotionally restrained households, where love had to be inferred or subconsciously rationed, where emotional expression felt like indulgence, or where true connection was reserved for rare occasions, the practice of cherishing doesn’t always come naturally. 

The result of this is that we may find ourselves in long-term relationships that are functional, even loyal, but emotionally starved. Sometimes, in individual therapy, clients open up to me about their awesome partners, how they have helped them and what they mean to them. It’s moving and tender to hear these raw examples of the shared experience of going through life together. But when I ask if they have expressed this to their partners, ever. More often than not, the answer is either “no” - or not for a very long time. 

Traditional weekly therapy can be helpful, but when a relationship is in crisis or at a crossroads, that slow drip of support often isn’t enough.

What most couples need in these moments is a strong container of clarity, focus and skilled guidance. A place where you can do deep, real work quickly. As a result, a big portion of my couples work is deep-healing intensives which can take place online, you can read more here.

Every year, I also offer, for a smaller number of clients, a face-to-face option. My private (just you, me and your partner) couples retreats are grounded in the RLT approach and offer exactly that.

Discover the RLT Feedback Wheel, a powerful communication tool from Relational Life Therapy. Learn how couples can use this simple four-step process to speak with clarity, stay connected, and strengthen their relationship.

Looking for powerful books to support your relationship? Here are six standout titles - curated by a couples therapist with specialisms in RLT and IFS - that offer practical, transformative tools for deeper connection

Evening sessions tend to be when couples can arrive most fully, rather than rushing between tasks, not mentally ticking off the to-do list. There's more space to reflect, to connect, and to bring your whole self to the process. For many of my clients, evening therapy feels more accessible, grounding, and sustainable long-term.

If you’ve ever sat in a couples therapy session thinking, "Are we just talking in circles?", you’re not alone. Many couples come to me after months — sometimes years — of therapy that felt like a dead end.

You’re both showing up, you’re saying the “right” things but nothing actually changes.

Often, the issue isn’t your commitment. It’s the approach and perhaps even the limitsof the expertise of the therapist.

It’s the damn dishwasher argument, again.

If you’ve ever found yourselves stuck in a cycle about something seemingly small or insignificant, or feeling like no matter how many times you try to explain what’s going on, it just doesn’t land with your partner, know this: you’re not alone.

I see this everyday in my therapy room with the couples I work with.

And it’s not necessarily a sign that your relationship is broken. It’s a sign that something deeper needs attention.

It’s a phrase that comes up often in Relational Life Therapy “The More The More'“. A simple idea that describes something profoundly painful and frustrating: the reactive cycle couples get caught in when they feel hurt, unheard, or unseen.

You’ve probably lived it in some form. The more one of you chases, the more the other distances. The more one complains, the more the other shuts down. The more one partner tries to control, the more the other resists or rebels. And on it goes.

At first glance, these dynamics might look like personality clashes or mismatched needs. But in RLT, we zoom out. We look at the dance: the relational pattern between you, and how both partners are co-creating it, usually without meaning to.