When You Keep Having the Same Argument: How Couples Therapy Can Help

It’s the damn dishwasher argument, again.

If you’ve ever found yourselves stuck in a cycle about something seemingly small or insignificant, or feeling like no matter how many times you try to explain what’s going on, it just doesn’t land with your partner, know this: you’re not alone.

I see this everyday in my therapy room with the couples I work with.

And it’s not necessarily a sign that your relationship is broken. It’s a sign that something deeper needs attention.

In couples therapy, I often hear variations of the same phrase: “We love each other, but we just keep getting stuck.”

That stuckness can look like repeating the same argument over and over, stonewalling, shutting down, or getting caught in criticism or defensiveness. Whatever the pattern, my modality of choice, Relational Life Therapy (RLT) helps couples move through it. Not just by improving communication, but by transforming the underlying relational dynamics.

Many couples find themselves stuck in repeat arguments, as repetitive as the dishwasher cycle. Relational Life Therapy helps them reconnect and change the dynamic.

What makes RLT different?

Relational Life Therapy, developed by renowned couples therapist Terry Real, is a direct, compassionate, and deeply practical approach to couples therapy. It doesn't tiptoe around the issues. It names them. With love. Terry’s work is in-demand and effective, it doesn’t beat around the bush and it is action-focused, offering real skills and solutions.

RLT helps each partner take an honest look at the patterns they bring into the relationship. These patterns are often rooted in early family dynamics or our wider societal conditioning (i.e. how the patriarchy screws us ALL over). The work helps clarify how these patterns impact connection, trust, and intimacy.

Rather than assigning blame, RLT invites personal responsibility and supports each partner to step into relational maturity and a different way of interacting. That might mean learning how to stay connected when you’re angry, owning your part of the cycle, or getting clear about what repair looks like after a rupture.

It’s not about who's right or wrong. It’s about what works.

But what if there’s trauma involved?

Sometimes couples discover that certain dynamics are especially charged because they touch on unresolved pain or trauma. That’s where Couples Awaken brings in trauma-informed tools like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Brainspotting which can hugely support the work.

While RLT remains the core of our process, these modalities can be efficiently woven together when one or both partners are hitting a deeper emotional block. They allow us to work with what's under the surface without becoming overwhelmed or derailed by it.

That said, not all couples work requires trauma therapy. And you're always in the lead. The focus stays on helping you show up more fully and relationally in your partnership, with or without deeper trauma exploration.

Getting unstuck, together

Healing relational patterns takes courage, clarity, and a willingness to grow together. In RLT, we don’t just talk about your relationship. We actively work to shift it. You’ll learn new tools, get honest feedback, and discover a new way of being with each other.

Connected. Empowered. Grounded.

If you’re tired of the same arguments and ready for something different, this work can offer a powerful reset.

Ready to explore couples therapy? You can find more about my approach and intensive options at couplesawaken.com, or reach out directly to start a conversation.