The Six Most Powerful Books About Relationships
…That I Recommend as a Couples Therapist
Top Couples Therapy Book Recommendations by Lucy Orton
One of the questions I often get asked, both by clients and other therapists, is: "Which books do you recommend for couples who want to do the work?"
It’s a great question. While books can’t replace the transformation of deep, skilled relational therapy, they can absolutely open the door to change and healing. Books can help us feel seen, challenged and hopeful. They can give us the language to name our stuck patterns and the tools to change them - and books on therapy and healing of all stripes are perennially popular. In fact, over on my individual therapy website, lucyorton.com, my most popular post is this one, on the most helpful IFS books to my 1:1 clients.
While I have included an IFS book below, in my work with couples, I draw primarily on the powerful framework of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) for this list. Created by therapist and author Terry Real, RLT is a direct, compassionate model that invites couples to move beyond blame and into accountability, truth-telling, and connection.
Terry’s books are always my first recommendation and form the backbone of my own craft as a couples therapist, but there are other powerful resources too, especially for clients in different phases of their relational journey.
Here are six relationship books (cheekily, one is actually an excellent audiobook!) that I regularly recommend in my practice:
1. Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
by Terrence Real
This is my top recommendation for couples. Us is clear, grounded, and incredibly hopeful. Terry Real invites us to move away from individualism and toward shared connection.
Terry highlights how our culture’s obsession with individualism over partnership plays out in relationships and how we can shift those patterns to make a lasting impact in our relations with others. It’s smart, practical, and deeply human. I return to my own dog-eared paper copy often and the audio version is also a fantastic listen that many of my clients have repeat-listened to.
2. Fierce Intimacy (Audiobook)
by Terrence Real
(Audible/Sounds True Exclusive)
If you're more of a listener than a reader, this is an excellent place to start. I have recommended this to many clients for listening on their commutes and while exercising, to really embed the changes they are making alongside their partners and in their therapy sessions.
Fierce Intimacy is fairly bite-sized - and yet remains one of Terry’s most accessible and powerful offerings. It’s full of actionable, practical advice and tools, with Terry offering client examples and immediately useful ways of working through the common roadblocks and stresses affecting couples.
I often suggest it to couples to listen to together, to help spark insight and open up meaningful conversations. In the past, both this and Terry’s ‘Us’ book have also been helpful at bringing more reticent partners to join the conversation, and ultimately it’s persuaded some to step through the therapy door for extra support, guidance and accountability.
3. You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For
by Dr. Richard Schwartz
As a therapist trained in Dick Schwartz’s IFS (Internal Family Systems) (and David Grand’s Brainspotting), I deeply appreciate this book and the IFS modality for the richness and healing it can bring to us, both as individuals and as humans in relationship. Richard Schwartz brings the lens of parts work into the context of romantic relationships. When we can identify the parts of us that show up in conflict and learn to lead from our core self, we can create more connection and ease.
This is a perfect read for those working on both individual healing and relational growth combined and is my favourite book by the author and founder of IFS.
4. Hold Me Tight
by Dr. Sue Johnson
This classic book introduces Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the core idea that behind most conflict lies a longing for secure connection. Sue Johnson offers a clear, research-based look at how attachment needs play out in relationships.
While my own approach is more RLT-oriented, and in my view offers a stronger map to getting back into relationship harmony, this book contains many deep insights and gifts often couples find this book validating and helpful for understanding emotional cycles and deeper needs.
5. Fight Right
by Drs. John and Julie Gottman
This practical, straight-talking book helps couples move through conflict in more connected and respectful ways.
The Gottmans are known for decades of research into what makes relationships work and the red flags that need to be paid attention to. This book distills their approach into digestible, actionable steps. It's especially useful for couples who feel stuck in repetitive arguments and want a roadmap to get out of them.
6. The New Rules of Marriage
by Terry Real
Originally published in 2007, this book laid the foundation for much of what Terry Real now teaches in his current work.
It introduces key ideas like relational empowerment, mutual care, and how to move out of rigid gender roles or power imbalances. For anyone new to RLT or looking to build a more conscious relationship, this is a strong starting point.
Which Book Should You Start With?
If you’re curious about Relational Life Therapy or thinking about a couples intensive with me, I usually recommend starting with Us or Fierce Intimacy. These will give you a good sense of the tone and approach I use in my work and often spark insights before you’ve even begun therapy.
That said, each of these books offers something powerful. Whether you're looking to improve communication, deepen emotional connection or break painful cycles, there is something here that can support your journey.
While my personal preference is rooted in the relational, direct style of RLT and Terry Real’s work, I believe all these voices bring something important to the table. You don’t have to agree with everything in a book to gain something from it.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re beyond the reading stage, need expert guidance on where to go with your relationship struggles and are interested in working with me as a couple, you can learn more about couples intensives and therapy sessions here at CouplesAwaken.com. Intensives in particular are good for periods of urgent decision making and couples who are on the brink of divorce as they are designed to create real momentum and give couples space to do meaningful work quickly and effectively.
I also offer IFS-based intensives for individuals, and work with therapists who want to bring more parts work and relational awareness into their own practice.
Whether you’re diving into one of these books on your own, with a partner, or in preparation for a deeper therapeutic process, I hope they offer you insight and clarity.
